trying to recover
by neverephemeral
Summary: It was more than just her leg that was healing. It was her leg, her ego and her heart. Darcy was trying to heal from all of the above.
**Hey everyone! Here's the next part. :) Song: White Blood by OH WONDER.**

* * *

 ** _Circulate the right love_**  
 ** _Giving me your white blood_**  
 ** _I need you right here with me_**

 **"** **T** ake it! Just take the leg! I don't need it!"

"And people call me mellow dramatic," Tony said.

Banner looked at him, "you _are_ mellow dramatic."

Tony rolled his eyes.

Darcy leaned on her elbow and looked at Banner, "seriously, I don't need my left leg."

"Darcy," Banner gave her one of his looks before he shook his head and went back to stretching her leg out. "For it being four months since your injury-"

"Since I got shot," she interrupted him.

Banner sighed, "your progress is excellent and above average. Clearly you've been doing physical therapy with Jane and Steve."

"Obviously," she replied.

Tony snorted and Banner shook his head. Out of everyone, Darcy and Tony were the worst of his patients.

"At least someone follows the rules," Banner shot a side glance to Tony, "and actually _listens_ to the doctor."

Darcy looked at Tony, "he's talking to you."

"I am a doctor," Tony said.

"Not a medical one," Darcy argued.

"Could be."

"Not really."

"Children," Banner sighed. "Unfortunately you will have a scar for the rest of your life and your leg won't be the same."

"Does that mean I'm getting a metal one like Bucky's arm?" Darcy asked.

Banner shook his head, "no."

"Damn."

"I could build you one," Tony offered.

"That would be awesome!" Darcy exclaimed.

"That won't be happening," Banner interjected after giving Tony a hard look. He turned his attention back to her, "honestly though, Darce, how is it going?"

Darcy sighed, "some days are better than others. Overall it's not too bad, though."

"Good," Banner nodded. "You're done for the day. Take it easy and if the pain is ever excruciating, tell me immediately."

Darcy nodded but remained silent. The pain was excruciating but it wasn't because of her leg. It was more than just her leg that was healing. It was her leg, her ego and her heart. Darcy was trying to heal from all of the above. There wasn't enough pain killers in the world to ease the pain and there wasn't enough alcohol to make her forget.

* * *

"So, lets talk," Tony said.

Darcy sat in the black leather chair, resting her leg on the table in front of her and looked up at him with a confused look. He was busy typing away on his many computers and there was music playing softly in the background.

"What?"

"You were silent all the way from the infirmary to here," Tony gestured to his lab, "talk, Lewis."

"About what?"

"The weather, your leg," he turned on the stool to look at her, "the fact that you've been occasionally popping pills and drinking in order to cope or the fact that you and a certain red head are floating in an ocean of fucked up without life jackets."

"What mild weather we've been having considering it's the middle of June," she said, "damn global warming."

"Darcy."

She looked up at him and saw the serious look in his eyes and on his face. The kind of serious that made the knot in her stomach all the more real and feeling bare.

"It's me," Tony's voice was stern but gentle. "Just you and me."

"Yeah," she nodded and stared down at her leg. Her voice cracked and she found that she wasn't able to speak. Where did she begin? She shook her head, "yeah." She repeated, her eyes watered as she looked over at him. She laughed, "I'm messed up." Darcy shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know."

"Everyone is messed up," Tony said.

Darcy nodded, "The way that she looked in the hospital at me." She shook her head. "I just can't even with her. I can't even with myself," she ran a hand through her hair. "Some nights," she looked over at him and then away, "I just cry and it's beyond my control. There was one night that I was rising my dishes and loading them into the dishwasher and I was crying." She bit her her bottom lip and began to play with the end of her sleeve, "on other nights I'm angry and I just want to hurt something… hurt me. I punched my leg," she nodded and looked over at him, "right where the bullet hole is. Oh my God, the pain! Fuck!" Her leg began to hurt just thinking about it. "The pain felt good though. It felt right." She shook her head as tears rolled down her cheeks. "That's not right. I mean, how messed up is that?" Darcy looked over at Tony, "it was never… I was never like this before..."

"Before love," Tony interjected.

Darcy looked at him.

"Love has this way of hurting us," he explained. "Especially when you're in _real_ love. That love," he shook his head, " _really_ fucks with you. It has this way of turning you inside out and changing you completely. Sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad but the real love." He sighed. "The love that fucks with you? That love manages to destroy you and kill you only to bring you back." Tony looked right at her, "you and Natasha? What you're experiencing? It's real love."

Real love.

Darcy knew that Tony was right. She knew that he was the only who could understand her in this moment. He got it.

"The pills and alcohol," Tony shook his head, "they're killing you and with love already doing that…"

"So, what do I do?" Darcy asked.

"What's best for you," he answered. "Natasha is feeling the same way you are at the moment, guaranteed. The pair of you are trying to figure out how to handle this love." He looked at her, "what you're doing now, Darce, is _not_ what's best for you."

"You the love whisperer now?" Darcy asked.

"No," Tony said. "I'm the one who cares enough to not bullshit with you and tell you that you've been spiraling and you've hit the danger zone. I'm the asshole who knows what real love can do to a person, been exactly where you are. I'm not letting you go any further, Darcy," he said. "You're not alone. I get it."

"That you do," she nodded her head. _That you do._

"Not only am I medical doctor but I'm also a therapist," Tony said after a moment.

Darcy shook her head and laughed. He really was one of her best friends.

* * *

 _One._

 _Two._

 _Three._

She knocked twice on the door. She was too drained to feel the butterflies in her stomach and her nerves going off like rockets.

Natasha was genuinely surprised when she opened her door and saw her standing there.

"I'm not coming in because I can't," Darcy spit out before the other woman could even say hi. "I'm in love with you. I really am and I am trying to figure out how to navigate that. I'm also dealing with the curve balls that you've hit my way." She let out a breath. "Wounds take time to heal. I know it may not have been your intention but you've wounded me and I'm trying to heal from that. And I just can't, I don't know how to deal with any of this. The only thing I know is that I'm really good at listening to Banner and I'm in love with you." Tears once again began to roll down her cheeks as she smiled at the other woman, "I am still in love with you." She could see Natasha's eyes had filled with tears that she knew that she wouldn't be allowed to see fall. "It's going to take some time for me to heal and to learn how to handle all of it but the good news is," she looked at her, "I'm a quick healer and learner."

Natasha smiled.

Darcy returned the smile and turned around, away from the other woman, and walked away.

* * *

 ** _Thank you for reading. :)_**


End file.
